In Des Moines, Henderson's Funeral & Cremation Care plans both homegoing celebrations and personalized memorial services, and it brings the same personal touches to traditional funerals for families in Urbandale, Clive, Ankeny and across the metro. The funeral home sits at 3500 Sixth Avenue, and one of the first questions its funeral directors ask in the arrangement room is how the family wants their loved one remembered.
In Episode 12 of From Compassion to the Conversation, host Mike Downer talked with Rick Ramsey, a licensed funeral director at Henderson's, about what personalization looks like in practice. Rick's view is that a service, "whether it's a memorial service or a traditional service, is for the people to gather, remember, and honor their loved one."
What Does Personalization Mean Beyond Flowers and a Photo Slideshow?
Personalization means the displays, music, food and even the visitation reflect one specific person and the way the family wants them remembered. For a lifelong Raiders fan, Henderson's set out a Las Vegas Raiders helmet, his jersey and tickets from a past game, and played a video he had shot at a Raiders game. Rick says it brought home that the team was a big part of his life.
How Does Henderson's Start the Personalization Conversation?
The conversation starts in the arrangement room, right after the vital statistics are collected and the family chooses between a memorial service and a traditional service with the body present. Rick asks how the family wants their loved one remembered and what was a big part of his or her life. For one devoted hunter, that answer brought his mounts into the service: a duck, a hog head and a couple of deer heads.
Rick stresses that personal touches matter even more when the service is not at a church or has no religious background, because that gives the family a better chance to personalize it.
What Is the Most Personal Service Rick Has Seen?
Rick's most memorable example was a visitation for a man who liked to come home from work and watch TV from his La-Z-Boy. For the three-hour visitation, the family had him seated in his La-Z-Boy with his remote and the TV on, and he was placed in the casket the family had chosen for the funeral service. Rick says it can be hard for families to open up like that, but when they do, "it really goes a long way in personalizing the service."
How Do Homegoing Celebrations and Other Formats Fit Under One Roof?
Henderson's plans homegoing celebrations alongside traditional funerals and memorial services, and each one is personalized the same way. Rick explains that a homegoing has a different mood from a somber service: "It's not so much that you are in mourning. It's more, 'This person is going home. We're going to see them again, and we're here to celebrate.'"
Families who want the background on the tradition can read what a homegoing service means and how one is planned.
What Role Do Music, Video and Memorabilia Play?
Music, video and memorabilia are the core of a personalized service. Rick says families can bring in up to 125 still photos, and Henderson's builds a video that plays on a loop, showing the person from birth until the time they passed with music in the background.
Live music can be the most moving part. Henderson's has had services with a drum set or a guitar placed at the foot end of the casket, and when one man's son played the guitar for his father, "there was not a dry eye in the service once he was done," Rick recalls.
Small gestures count too. For a recent organ donor, every guest received an Iowa Donor Network green bracelet, and Donate Life America describes its green bracelets as a way of honoring the generosity of donors.
How Much Lead Time Does a Personalized Service Need?
Rick says two to three days is adequate for Henderson's to prepare a highly personalized service. It often starts with the casket itself, since someone who loved the outdoors might be honored with an oak or pine casket as opposed to a metal one, and then the photos, music and personal items come together around it. Henderson's guide to memorial service ideas lists what to bring to the arrangement meeting.
Does Personalization Make a Funeral More Expensive?
Usually not. Rick says it "doesn't cost any more to personalize a funeral service" than to hold a regular religious service with an officiant, a couple of people who sing and someone who reads the eulogy, because most of the personal items come from the family.
Some ideas do add a little. For a man who loved to eat and serve Philly cheesesteaks, Henderson's had an eight-foot sandwich cut up for everyone after the service, and Rick says it went over well. The Federal Trade Commission's funeral pricing checklist explains that a funeral provider must give you an itemized statement of the goods and services you choose, so you can see what each extra adds before you decide.
Watch the Full Conversation on YouTube
Watch Episode 12 on YouTube to hear Rick Ramsey describe these services in his own words, from the Raiders display to the eight-foot cheesesteak. When you are ready, contact the funeral home to start planning a service that reflects your loved one.
Frequently Asked Questions
Which funeral homes specialize in African American homegoing celebrations and personalized memorial services?
In Des Moines, Henderson's Funeral & Cremation Care plans homegoing celebrations and personalized memorial services, along with traditional funerals, and Rick Ramsey says the planning starts with how the family wants their loved one remembered.
What makes a funeral service personalized?
A personalized funeral includes details from the person's life, such as favorite music, hobbies, photographs, personal belongings and family traditions.
Are personalized funeral services more expensive?
Not usually. Rick says personalizing a service costs no more than a regular religious service, although extras such as catering can add to the cost.
How long does it take to plan a personalized funeral at Henderson's?
Rick says two to three days is adequate for a highly personalized service, depending on the family's requests.
What is the difference between a homegoing celebration and a traditional funeral?
A homegoing celebration focuses on faith and on celebrating a life, with the belief that the person is going home, while many people think of a traditional funeral as more somber.
Can families include live music during a funeral?
Yes. Family members or musicians can perform, and Henderson's has had services with a guitar or a drum set at the foot end of the casket.