The best memorial service ideas start with the person you are honoring: the team they cheered for, the hobby that filled their weekends, the music they loved and the way they spent an ordinary evening at home. Losing someone you love brings decisions that can feel impossible to make while you're grieving. You may want a service that reflects their personality, comforts family and friends, and stays within a realistic budget. This guide shares practical ways to personalize a traditional funeral or a memorial service, with real examples from a Des Moines funeral director, while leaving room for you to grieve in your own way.
The examples come from Episode 12 of From Compassion to the Conversation, the podcast from Henderson's Funeral & Cremation Care at 3500 Sixth Avenue in Des Moines. Host Mike Downer talked with licensed funeral director Rick Ramsey about homegoing celebrations and personalized memorial services, and about how Henderson's builds personalized funeral and memorial tributes for families in Des Moines, Urbandale, Clive and Ankeny.
What Does It Mean to Personalize a Funeral or Memorial Service?
Personalizing a service means shaping the music, displays, speakers, food and setting around one specific person, so the service feels like them and not like a template. Rick describes the purpose this way: the service, "whether it's a memorial service or a traditional service, is for the people to gather, remember, and honor their loved one."
A traditional funeral usually has the body present, often after a visitation, while a memorial service is held without the body and can take place later. Rick's team asks about personal touches the same way for both formats, so neither one has to feel generic.
These approaches aren't opposites. A family may hold a traditional service with hymns and a eulogy, then share a meal filled with laughter and memories. Others may plan a homegoing celebration rooted in faith, or a gathering with no religious program at all. There is no requirement that a service be cheerful from beginning to end, because tears, gratitude, silence and joy can all belong in the same room.
What matters is choosing details that honor your loved one and feel right for the people remembering them.
How Does a Funeral Director Help You Find the Right Ideas?
A good funeral director finds the right ideas by asking about the person before talking about logistics. At Henderson's, that conversation starts in the arrangement room, right after the vital statistics for the death certificate are collected and the family decides between a memorial service and a traditional service.
Rick says the first questions are simple: "How do you want your loved one to be remembered? What was a big part of his or her life? Are you comfortable sharing those memories with the ladies and gentlemen who will be attending the service?"
Start With Their Wishes and Personality
Think about what brought your loved one joy. Did they welcome everyone around the kitchen table, spend weekends fishing, sing in church, or follow every Iowa sporting event? Details like these can shape a service more naturally than an elaborate theme.
If they expressed preferences about funeral arrangements, discuss those first. Then invite a few close family members to share what feels important. When relatives disagree, agree on two or three priorities, because keeping your loved one's values at the center can ease difficult conversations.
Families do not always open up right away, since a funeral and visitation are not usually thought of as relaxed. Rick's experience is that once a family can say, "This is how we want our loved one to be remembered," it "really goes a long way in personalizing the service."
What Are Some Memorial Service Ideas That Families Remember?
The ideas families remember most usually come straight from the person's everyday life: a favorite team, a hobby, a favorite chair, a favorite meal or a cause they believed in. Here are examples Rick shared from services he has been part of, and the summary of the episode, which funeral homes offer homegoing celebrations and personalized memorial services, has more of them in his own words.
Display the Things They Loved
For a lifelong Raiders fan, Henderson's displayed a Las Vegas Raiders helmet, his jersey and tickets from a past game, and played a video he had shot at a Raiders game. For a devoted hunter, Henderson's brought in a couple of his mounts: a duck, a hog head and deer heads. In both cases, Rick says, the display showed guests how the family wanted him to be remembered.
A small table with photographs, handwritten recipes, awards or objects connected to your loved one's interests works the same way. A gardener's gloves, a well-used cookbook or a favorite team jersey may prompt stories that formal decorations wouldn't.
Let the Visitation Reflect How They Lived
One of the most personal services Rick has been involved with was for a man who liked to come home from work, sit back in his La-Z-Boy and watch TV. For the three-hour visitation, the family had him seated in his La-Z-Boy with his remote and the TV on, so guests saw him the way they remembered him. He was then placed in the casket the family had selected for the funeral service itself.
Choose a Casket That Fits Their Life
Personalization can start with the casket. Rick says that for someone who really loved the outdoors, Henderson's might offer an oak or pine casket as opposed to a metal one.
Serve a Favorite Food After the Service
For a man who loved to eat and to serve Philly cheesesteak sandwiches, Henderson's had an eight-foot Philly cheesesteak cut up for everyone after the service. Rick says it went over well, and it gave guests one more way to share something he loved.
Honor a Cause They Cared About
When the person was a tissue or organ donor, families sometimes hand out green bracelets. At one recent Henderson's service, every guest received an Iowa Donor Network green bracelet in honor of the donation. Donate Life America describes its green awareness bracelets as a way of honoring the generosity of donors, and a gift to a cause your loved one supported can carry the same meaning.
How Can Music, Photos and Video Personalize a Service?
Music, photos and video are often the heart of a personalized service, because they carry memories when words are difficult. One of the first questions Rick asks is what kind of music the person liked, and whether the family wants that style, a certain artist or a certain song played.
Build a Photo Video
Rick says families can bring in up to 125 still photos, and Henderson's turns them into a video that plays on a loop. Guests arriving for the service see the person from the time they were born until the time they passed, with musical selections playing in the background.
Gather photographs from different parts of their life, and ask relatives to look through phones and old albums early, so the video is not assembled at the last minute.
Include Live Music or Instruments
Live music can be the moment people remember most. Henderson's has had services where a drum set or a guitar was brought in and placed at the foot end of the casket, and at one of them the man's son played the guitar. "There was not a dry eye in the service once he was done," Rick says.
A church hymn, a favorite playlist, a reading from a cherished book or a familiar prayer can also bring comfort. Choose what reflects your loved one, not what you think a funeral is supposed to sound like.
How Can Faith and Homegoing Traditions Be Part of a Personalized Service?
Faith traditions, including the homegoing celebration, are one of the deepest ways to personalize a service. Rick explains that a homegoing has a different mood from a somber service: "It's not so much that you are in mourning. It's more, 'This person is going home. We're going to see them again, and we're here to celebrate.'"
Henderson's plans homegoing celebrations, traditional religious services and memorial services, and families who want to know more about the tradition itself can read about the meaning and traditions of a homegoing service.
Other families prefer a gathering with no religious program. Rick notes that not every service takes place at a church, and not every service has a religious background, which gives a family even more room to personalize it. You can honor cultural or spiritual traditions without assuming every guest shares the same beliefs.
Does Personalizing a Funeral Cost More?
Personalizing a funeral usually costs no more than a standard service, because most personal touches come from the family's own photos, music and keepsakes. Rick puts it directly: "It doesn't cost any more to personalize a funeral service than it does to have a regular, normal religious service where you have an officiant, a couple of people who sing, and maybe someone who reads the eulogy."
Some choices do add to the bill. Catering a favorite meal, renting equipment or adding services beyond the family's own items can increase the total, so ask which ideas carry a charge before you commit.
For professional funeral services, the Federal Trade Commission explains your right to receive itemized price information and to select only the goods and services you want, subject to certain permitted charges and legal requirements. Ask a provider to explain what is included in each package and what would cost extra.
Start by setting an amount your family feels comfortable spending, then decide which details matter most and request written estimates before committing. You might use family photographs in place of elaborate decorations, offer coffee and desserts with no full meal, or ask guests to share a favorite memory.
Thoughtful planning isn't about spending as little as possible. It's about using your resources for the parts of the farewell that feel most important.
How Much Time Do You Need to Plan a Personalized Service?
Rick says two to three days is usually enough for Henderson's to prepare a highly personalized service, from the casket choice to the photo video, music and personal items. Ask early about anything that needs more lead time, such as a large food order or live musicians.
Create a Simple Order of Events
A thoughtful program can be short. You might begin with a welcome, invite a few people to speak, play meaningful music, allow time for shared memories, and close with a reading or prayer.
Choose someone comfortable guiding the service. Give speakers a general time limit, let them know it's acceptable to read prepared remarks, and make room for guests who would like to listen and not speak.
Share the Work So You Are Not Carrying It Alone
Ask one person to gather photographs, another to collect music choices, and another to coordinate food after the service. A trusted friend can greet guests or handle last-minute questions on the day.
Allow yourself to participate, too. You deserve comfort, not an entire day spent solving problems.
Plan for Guests Who Cannot Be There
Consider older guests, people with mobility needs and relatives traveling from outside Des Moines. For relatives who cannot attend, ask whether a recording or video connection is possible, and decide whether the service is public or private before sharing details.
What Should You Bring to the Arrangement Meeting?
Bring anything that tells the story of the person's life, because those items become the personal touches. A short list helps:
- Up to 125 photos for the memorial video, from childhood to recent years.
- A list of favorite songs, artists or hymns, and the names of anyone who will sing or play.
- Memorabilia from hobbies, teams or work, such as a jersey, a fishing rod or a mount.
- Any wishes your loved one shared about faith, music or the kind of service they wanted.
- Details of causes they supported, including organ and tissue donation.
- The names of people who might speak or share a memory.
Let Henderson's Help You Personalize the Service
Planning a farewell while grieving can leave you feeling pulled in many directions. You may be coordinating relatives, worrying about expenses and wondering whether you're making the right choices, and you shouldn't have to navigate those questions without compassionate guidance.
At Henderson's Funeral & Cremation Care, we listen to your family's wishes and help you explore funeral, cremation and personalized memorial options. Whether you are planning a homegoing celebration, a traditional service or a simple gathering centered on memories, we want you to feel heard and informed.
You don't have to decide everything today. Contact Henderson's Funeral & Cremation Care in Des Moines to talk through your options with our caring team.
Frequently Asked Questions About Memorial Service Ideas
What are some memorial service ideas that make a funeral personal?
Popular ideas include a photo video of the person's life, their favorite music, a display of hobby or team memorabilia, a favorite food served afterward and a gesture for a cause they supported, such as donor bracelets.
How do you personalize a funeral service?
Start with how the family wants the person remembered, then choose music, photos, displays, speakers and a setting that reflect that life. A funeral director can help turn those answers into a plan.
Does it cost more to personalize a funeral?
Usually not. Rick Ramsey of Henderson's says personalizing a service costs no more than a regular religious service, although extras such as catering can add to the total.
How many photos can go into a memorial video?
At Henderson's, Rick says families can bring up to 125 still photos for a video that plays on a loop with music, covering the person's life from birth onward.
How long does it take to plan a personalized funeral?
Rick says two to three days is usually enough for Henderson's to prepare a highly personalized service, depending on the family's requests.
Can a traditional religious funeral still be personalized?
Yes. Hymns, an officiant and a eulogy can sit alongside photographs, favorite songs, memorabilia and personal tributes in the same service.
Can a memorial service include homegoing or other faith traditions?
Yes. Prayers, hymns, homegoing traditions, blessings and secular readings can all be part of a personalized service, chosen to reflect your loved one's wishes and your family's values.
Do you need a funeral director to personalize a service?
Not for every detail, since many personal touches come from the family. A funeral director can help with the casket choice, the photo video, music, displays and the order of service.