Mike Downer: Hello, everybody. I’m your host, Mike Downer, and thanks for joining us on From Compassion to the Conversation. I’m here with Rick Ramsey, licensed funeral director and licensed life insurance guru.
Rick Ramsey: Pre-need salesman, but I’ll take guru, believe me.
Mike Downer: Pre-need salesman or expert. Either way, I’m sure you’ll take the compliment.
Rick Ramsey: Always.
Mike Downer: Rick, it’s always a pleasure to talk to you. These conversations, once again, are about something a little more difficult, something no one really likes to have, but something that needs to be discussed. You do a great job of making everyone feel comfortable with a topic that isn’t everybody’s favorite thing to talk about, so I really enjoy our conversations.
Today, we’re going to be talking about what the best funeral home in Des Moines is for a celebration of life. We’re going to cover what a celebration of life is and how it differs from a traditional funeral in tone and planning so everyone can understand it better.
The first question I have for you, Rick, is this: How would you define a celebration of life service for someone who has never planned one?
Rick Ramsey: A celebration of life service tends to be a little less formal and a little more personalized compared to a traditional funeral service. The structure of the service itself is geared more toward the deceased’s music, hobbies, and things they liked to do, as opposed to a strict religious order.
Mike Downer: Yeah, and I’ve thought about that before, too. My choice would be a celebration of life rather than a traditional funeral because the mosh pit of music styles I like would probably reflect my passing more than traditional hymns, but that’s just me. So, yes, I’m leaning more toward that.
Why are more and more families choosing this format rather than a traditional funeral?
Rick Ramsey: I think it gives them a little more flexibility in the order of the service itself. I also feel that it really personalizes the service.
You can go into a traditional funeral service where you have a church hymn, then an officiant gives a eulogy, then you have another church hymn, and then the obituary is read. It really doesn’t touch much on the life of the deceased.
With a celebration of life, a lot of times you’re going to see maybe a four- or five-minute video with up to 150 photos. It really touches on the person’s life. It shows that their life was well lived. From start to finish, you’re looking at their hobbies, what they liked to do, their friends, and their family. It really puts a personalized touch on the funeral service.
Mike Downer: That’s really cool. I like that a lot.
You’ve had many celebrations of life out at Henderson’s, and I know you’ve seen quite a few of them yourself. What are some of the more creative or personal touches that families have brought to a celebration of life at Henderson’s? What kind of creative things have you seen?
Rick Ramsey: We’ve had all types of videos. We’ve had a lot of musicians where people come in and set up two or three of the deceased’s guitars. Then, during the service, a family member or friend may come up, pick up one of the guitars, and play it.
This didn’t happen at our funeral home, but there was a funeral home out of state where someone’s loved one was a hard worker. Whenever he came home from work, he would sit in his easy chair with a can of beer and watch TV for the rest of the night. After he was embalmed, they had a three-hour visitation, and the deceased was sitting in his easy chair at the front of the chapel with a beer in the armrest and the TV playing. For the next two to three hours, family and friends got to say goodbye while their loved one was sitting in an easy lounger.
It was the craziest thing I ever heard of, but talk about putting a personal touch on a service. My goodness, I absolutely love that.
Mike Downer: You’re giving me ideas. My wife is going to be so mad at you.
Rick Ramsey: I really feel like if we had the opportunity, and if a family requested that, we would be able to do it. We take a lot of pride in how flexible and accommodating we are when it comes to personalizing a funeral service. I don’t think that would be out of our realm as far as what we can do.
Mike Downer: Now that you’ve said that to me, and you know my personality well enough, that might be coming sooner than you think. At least the request, hopefully not the action.
Rick Ramsey: I love it.
Mike Downer: At least we can have a little bit of fun with this. I like that.
Does a celebration of life have to happen right after the death, or can you plan it later on?
Rick Ramsey: It can always be planned later on, and a lot of families choose to do that. Sometimes family members are spread out all across the country, and they need a little bit of time with work and schedules to get back for a funeral service.
A lot of times, families just aren’t ready. They’re not ready to go there yet. They’ve just said goodbye to a loved one. We can go ahead with the cremation, and then, with the cremains, that celebration of life may happen two, four, or six weeks later. It may even happen six months later.
Mike Downer: That makes perfect sense. You have to do it when the family is ready, and I like the fact that you respect the family’s wishes in that way.
Let me ask you this. How flexible is the format compared to a traditional religious funeral service? I think you kind of answered that with the recliner story, but how flexible is it?
Rick Ramsey: It’s night and day. With a celebration of life service, there is no set order. It all comes down to what will make the family feel comfortable and how they want to say goodbye to their loved one.
It can be as short or as long as they want it to be. They may have one or two speakers, or they may have half a dozen speakers. It comes down to the family’s wishes.
As far as flexibility goes, whatever they are requesting, we would like to think we can accommodate. Now, we’ve had some crazy requests out there, but I have to be honest with you: we’re not able to serve liquor at the funeral service.
Mike Downer: That’s understandable.
Rick, if I requested that you carry my urn, which we’ve already decided what that is—we’ve had that discussion before—and I wanted you to jump out of a plane and parachute into the funeral service, would you do that for me?
Rick Ramsey: No, that’s probably not going to happen. You could hire somebody, but it won’t be Rick.
Mike Downer: Oh, shoot. So it is doable. You’re just not going to be the guy doing it.
Rick Ramsey: Correct.
Mike Downer: See? Look at how easy these guys are to get along with. If they’re not able to do it, they’ll at least help you coordinate the people who can.
Speaking of that, if someone wants to plan a celebration of life for their loved one, what logistics does Henderson’s help coordinate? Things like venue, timing, music, memorabilia, displays, and guys jumping out of parachutes. What do you help with?
Rick Ramsey: All of it.
The first piece is location. Not every celebration of life service has to take place at our funeral home or at a church. One of the most memorable celebration of life services I’ve been involved with took place at an Elks Lodge. All the members were there, and it was a great setting. There was a lot of fellowship and remembrance during the service itself.
We’ve also had them in people’s backyards before. A celebration of life can take place just about anywhere.
Mike Downer: And as far as timing, music, memorabilia, displays, and things like that, how does Henderson’s help with that?
Rick Ramsey: As far as displays go, we’re going to ask for as many photographs as the family has. It doesn’t have to be limited to the family’s photographs, either. We may bring in friends and their photographs as well.
Then we’ll set those up and create a video with music. A lot of times, we’ll play that before and after the funeral service on a loop so everyone gets a chance to see the deceased, maybe from childhood up until the last couple of years of their life. That is really one of the biggest draws of a celebration of life service.
It’s up to the family as far as how the funeral is going to go. As far as timing, it may last an hour or an hour and a half, or it may only last 15 or 20 minutes.
A lot of times, families will come in and say, “He didn’t want a long, drawn-out grief service. He wanted everybody to be happy.”
We had one funeral service where everybody received a ticket to a bar for one year from the date of the funeral service. The deceased had actually prepaid for all of these tickets, and it was the coolest thing. A year later, everybody met at the bar in honor of the person who had passed.
Mike Downer: Wow. That’s pretty awesome.
Rick Ramsey: It really was. I got to be part of that, and it was nice getting together and talking about him. Talk about someone not being forgotten. Everybody had a free drink, and it was great getting together.
Mike Downer: That’s a good time, too, because if you’re one of those people like myself, I don’t want a lot of tears. I know there will be tears. I know there are one or two people out there who love me, but you want people to remember you in a happy way.
After a year has passed, the grieving process is pretty well underway, and you’re able to fulfill your loved one’s wishes with happy thoughts and happy conversations.
Rick Ramsey: I thought it was a great idea. I didn’t really know many of the people who were there, but I’ll tell you what: a year later, after sitting down with them and having a couple of drinks, I knew him a lot better.
Mike Downer: That’s amazing. That’s cool. It’s also cool that they included you in that, so that speaks volumes about your personality, Rick.
Rick Ramsey: Thank you.
Mike Downer: I mean, who invites their funeral director to that? That’s cool. I like that a lot.
So, as we wind this up, what advice would you give a family trying to plan a celebration of life that truly reflects who their loved one was?
Rick Ramsey: I think you need to take some time and just sit down and go over what you remember about them. What brings a smile to your face when you think of that loved one who has passed? What do you remember most about them? Then share those thoughts with your funeral director.
Again, going back to the pre-need process, if you can come in before the death takes place, you’re going to be in a clearer state of mind. You can say, “Here’s what we would like. Here’s how we would like to honor our loved one.”
But if there is an unexpected death and you’re thinking about having a celebration of life service, you need to remember that this service is about your loved one and how you want to say goodbye to him or her. I think it’s important that the funeral home and the funeral staff do everything they can to accommodate your wishes.
Mike Downer: I like that.
You were talking about pre-need, and I’m probably going to bring this up in the next few podcasts just so everyone remembers it. Can you go over a little bit of that process with us one more time? I know it seems repetitive, but just give us a brief description of the pre-need process and how it can benefit people financially, mentally, and in other ways.
Rick Ramsey: One of the biggest pushes for pre-need is simply the fact that you’re not under duress, stress, or grief. You’re thinking clearly, and you’re planning your own funeral, which means a lot to some people.
As far as the financial piece of it, it locks you in at a price. Like every other business here in town, we’re going to raise our prices now and then. If you have a pre-need contract with us, when those prices increase, it doesn’t affect you.
It also gives you the option of making a monthly payment. For a lot of folks, coming up with a large amount of money at a specific time can be a challenge. With pre-need, it gives you the opportunity to make those monthly payments.
Mike Downer: That’s great.
I was just curious, so I’m assuming that at Henderson’s you have a licensed life insurance professional there?
Rick Ramsey: I always appreciate you, Mike. Yes, we do. I’m recently licensed, and I’m more than happy to sit down with anyone and go over any questions they may have. That doesn’t mean you’re committed to using Henderson’s as your funeral home. It just means we’re here to answer questions.
Mike Downer: Perfect.
Rick is a licensed funeral director and a licensed life insurance professional. As long as they don’t give him his driver’s license, we’re all good.
I have to throw a little joke in there when we’re talking about after-life care. You have to get a smile on people’s faces. I’m sure you’re a great driver, Rick. I just had to give you a little bit of guff.
Rick, as always, it’s a pleasure talking to you. Everybody out there, whether you’re pre-planning or dealing with something unexpected, give Rick a call at Henderson’s, and he’ll take great care of you.
Rick Ramsey: Thanks, Mike. As always, it’s a pleasure.
Mike Downer: Thanks a lot, and take care, Rick.
Rick Ramsey: You too.
