An obituary should do more than announce a death. It should provide accurate family and service information while giving readers a meaningful glimpse into the person’s life. In the recent From Compassion to the Conversation episode, host Mike Downer and licensed funeral director Rick Ramsey explain what should be included in an obituary, how to organize the details, and how families can avoid painful mistakes. Their main advice is simple: focus on accuracy, meaningful relationships, and the qualities that made the person unique.
What Basic Information Should an Obituary Include?
An obituary typically begins with the person’s full name, age, date of birth, date of death, place of residence, and where they died. Families may also include their birthplace and the names of their parents.
These facts provide the foundation, but they should not dominate the obituary. After the opening details, the writing should shift toward the person’s relationships, experiences, and interests.
Ramsey explains that funeral directors often provide a form that helps families collect information about employment, retirement, church involvement, community organizations, and hobbies. This structure can make the process feel more manageable during an emotionally difficult time.
How Can You Summarize an Entire Life?
A meaningful obituary does not need to document every event. Instead, it should offer what Ramsey calls “a snapshot of their overall life.”
Families might include the person’s career, military service, volunteer work, favorite activities, religious involvement, or community connections. Personal details can make the obituary feel more genuine. Someone may be remembered for attending every grandchild’s activity, cooking for family gatherings, working in the same profession for decades, or spending weekends outdoors.
Consider asking several relatives to share memories. Different family members may remember details that others overlook. The National Institute on Aging recommends gathering important personal and family information in advance, which can also make obituary writing easier when the time comes.
Which Family Members Should Be Listed?
Each family decides how many relatives to include. Some obituaries list only a spouse, children, and grandchildren. Others name siblings, great-grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins, close friends, and other important relationships.
A common order is to begin with the surviving spouse, followed by children and their spouses, grandchildren, siblings, and extended relatives. Loved ones who died earlier are usually listed in a separate “preceded in death” section.
Ramsey emphasizes that there is no single rule. The list should reflect the person’s relationships and the family’s wishes. However, accuracy is essential. Leaving someone out or misspelling a name can cause lasting hurt.
Having several relatives review the list can help confirm names, spellings, and family connections. Obituaries may also become valuable historical records. The Library of Congress notes that newspaper obituaries can provide useful genealogical information, including family relationships and biographical details.
What Funeral Details Should Be Included?
Readers should be able to quickly understand where and when they can pay their respects. Include the date, time, and location of the visitation, funeral or memorial service, and burial when applicable.
Families may also provide information about flowers, charitable donations, memorial funds, livestreams, or online condolences. Every service detail should be verified before publication because relatives may make travel arrangements based on the obituary.
Where Should an Obituary Be Published?
Funeral home websites provide a central place for service details, condolences, directions, and updates. Families can also share the obituary through email and social media to quickly reach relatives and friends.
Newspaper obituaries may still be appropriate when the person had strong ties to a local community. However, publication costs and newspaper schedules can create challenges. In areas with weekly newspapers, the funeral may take place before the obituary appears in print.
Online publication is usually faster and easier to share. Funeral livestreams can also help people participate when travel, health, work, or financial limitations prevent them from attending in person.
Families should be cautious about unexpected payment requests. The Federal Trade Commission warns that scammers may impersonate funeral home employees. Always verify financial requests by contacting the funeral home directly through a trusted phone number.
How Can Families Avoid Common Obituary Mistakes?
The most common problems are omitted relatives, misspelled names, incorrect dates, and unclear service information. These errors often happen because families are grieving and trying to make several decisions at once.
Before publication, review what should be included in an obituary and ask at least two family members to proofread it. Check every name, relationship, date, address, service time, and biographical detail.
Henderson’s Funeral and Cremation Care reviews obituary information with the family and sends the completed version back for approval before publishing it. This gives families a final opportunity to correct errors or adjust details.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should an obituary be?
It should be long enough to provide essential facts, family information, service details, and a meaningful picture of the person. It does not need to cover every life event.
Who should be listed as surviving family?
Most families begin with the spouse, children, grandchildren, and siblings. Extended relatives, close friends, and other significant relationships may also be included.
What does “preceded in death” mean?
It refers to close relatives or loved ones who died before the person, such as parents, spouses, children, or siblings.
Should hobbies and personality be mentioned?
Yes. Interests, traditions, values, and personality traits help readers remember the person beyond basic dates and accomplishments.
Should the cause of death be included?
That decision belongs to the family. It may be stated directly, described generally, or omitted.
Can an obituary be prepared in advance?
Yes. Recording family names, employment history, accomplishments, and personal wishes ahead of time can reduce stress and improve accuracy.
Who should proofread the obituary?
At least two people familiar with the family should review it. A funeral director can also help identify missing, unclear, or incorrect information.